a weird dream but we’re bonding together again

12.05

Miss Lea Salonga, is there a release date for the Miss Saigon movie? That’s what I asked the Broadway legend in my dream. Random? Yeah, weird? Obviously. Needed it? Hell yeah.

Dreams these days have been my escape from the stressful and noisy reality. They take me to a made-up fantasy world that keeps me hopeful that one day things would change.

Lea Salonga wasn’t the only one present in the dream; the rest of the cast included Queen Elizabeth the 3rd, the woman that I always adore, and someone who showed me that women can do it, and Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada. It wasn’t just a dinner where we chat and gather. It was in a suite where we enjoyed each other's company. Well, at least I was together with my friend, someone that I immensely miss because she’s someone who understands me and accepts me for who I am

The Queen was busy watching Eurovision, and Mr. Trudeau was busy balancing good looks and Canada. I remember asking him in the dream, what it’s like to live in Canada? He started sharing stories, but I didn’t hear anything or wasn’t focusing on what he was saying.

Around 3 am, I woke up thinking of that dream, and it made me realize that it wasn’t real. Reality hit me again…

Can’t we just be stuck or continue living dreams? But if that’s the case, it wouldn’t be called life anymore; it would be called fantasy.

I remember when I was still taking my antidepressants, I asked my doctor, "Why do I dream a lot? Is that a side effect of my medication?" Well, I already know that dreaming can be, but since he's my doctor, I didn’t want to say things that would sound like I know everything.

Then he asked me, "Good or bad dream?" to which I replied, "Good." Then he said, "Then what's to worry?" And then he added, "It's a probability that what you're having is a side effect of the medication, but I don't look at it that way because if it's something good, you wake up in a good mood and not a grumpy one." So it means it's doing something positive for you, to which I agreed.

I already graduated from taking my Brintellix since last March, starting from 10 mg then went as high as 20 mg. But I still dream a lot. Do I want it to stop? I don't think so, not for now, because it's helping me have an escape in life without escaping permanently.

Most days, I feel okay, but some days I feel crap. I guess because we're humans and are allowed to feel that way. And dreaming is my form of ecstasy to keep that chemical in my brain high so that I wouldn't be too frustrated about hating my current job but staying because I need the finances, and it keeps me busy.

In this world full of "what ifs" and "I wish," I wish I will continue dreaming of good and positive thoughts so that the negative thoughts when I'm awake would go away. Away, that they would never come back and will let me be.

And if the world is listening or even reading this blog, I hope and I wish that you could bring some rainbows to my mind because I've been dealing with gloomy days far too long and would appreciate it as a reward for staying and not quitting in this game called life.

And I really do hope that I could go back to my dream again and continue my chat with the Queen and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.