Kailua (The Prequel) A Modern Love Reject
05.04.2024
The sting of rejection is fresh. After a month of hopeful waiting, my Modern Love essay landed not in the pages of The New Yorker, but in the dreaded slush pile. A die-hard fan of The New Yorker's Modern Love podcast, I poured my heart into an essay, hoping it would resonate with readers. But sometimes, even the most heartfelt stories take unexpected turns. Welcome to the Prequel. Where it all started.
We're dating but we're just friends
In the tranquil September ambiance of Dubai, as the breezy winds gently brushed against my face, I made a conscious decision to embark on a journey to discover happiness within myself, refraining from seeking it through external connections.
However, this newfound perspective underwent a profound transformation at a yacht party, where I first laid eyes on Kailua. Our conversation unfolded organically, or perhaps I orchestrated it, and he was merely a delighted member of the laughing audience.
Kailua, a promising 27-year-old Lebanese professional in digital marketing, stood out not only for his career but for the incredible narrative that shaped his life. Born to deaf parents, Kailua and his siblings, despite having the ability to hear, were raised in an environment that nurtured humor, love, and kindness. I often commended him for being the living testament to his parents' greatest achievement.
At the age of 28, I was grappling with depression, a battle that I had been silently enduring. Seeking help was a recent endeavour, spurred by the realisation that depression is often misunderstood or even unrecognised in my home country,
Our friendship, spanning across Southeast Asia and the Middle East, was unconventional. In a world where
connections between a Southeast Asian and a Middle Eastern individual were typically confined to dating apps, our bond blossomed naturally. There was something about Kailua that ignited my curiosity, prompting me to delve deeper into understanding the person behind the friendly demeanor.
Our initial interaction was limited to the last 10 minutes of the yacht party, with the looming end of the celebration. Interestingly, it was the second meeting that left a lasting impression. Introduced by a mutual friend at a lively house party, I, grappling with personal demons, observed from the sidelines as Bollywood beats filled the air, concealing my inner struggles behind a façade of cheerfulness.
A month post-party, back in the embrace of my self-development routine, an unexpected Instagram notification revealed the fascinating tidbit that Kailua shared: my username was a famous children's song in Lebanon. This unexpected connection led to Kailua sliding into my DMs.
His captivating eyes and infectious smile fuelled our conversations, gradually transforming them into daily rituals. To foster our connection, I organized a dinner, extending invitations to friends and potential additions to our social circle. Kailua's acceptance marked our first meeting since the yacht party, albeit with a twist. A pre-event message hinted at his potential tardiness due to a somber event – a friend's relative's funeral.
Despite my initial skepticism, the night unfolded with Kailua's late arrival, introducing an unexpected yet welcomed dynamic to the gathering. His gratitude for finding a potential mate from the dinner table, though bittersweet, accentuated the transient nature of connections.
Weeks later, an invitation to a talent showcase became an opportunity for Kailua to witness my performance. Post-show, an impromptu visit to a music fest culminated in a vibrant night of dancing at a Lady Gaga tribute event. Our connection deepened, and despite emulating the appearance of a conventional couple, we remained steadfast in our commitment to platonic camaraderie.
Describing our relationship as platonic became a recurring theme during my therapy sessions. Over the course of four months, trust solidified, allowing me to confide in Kailua about my ongoing battle with depression and the accompanying medication.
To my relief, his response was one of understanding and support. Kailua revealed his own therapy journey, a coping mechanism for navigating the challenges of living alone in Dubai. Instead of viewing therapy as a weakness, he deemed it an emblem of strength, solidifying my belief in our symbiotic connection.
From then on, our weekends and occasionally weekdays were marked by outings to alleviate the stress of work, hospital visits for necessary checks, and aimless drives
around the city. The sense of security and solace I found in Kailua's company was unparalleled, prompting him to offer a key to his house – a gesture I declined, respecting his need for solitude.
Our shared activities included home-cooked meals, movie nights, and occasional breakfasts, symbolising gratitude for Kailua's hospitality. In moments of vulnerability, his place became a sanctuary during panic attacks, emphasizing the emotional bond that transcended physical proximity.
As our story unfolded, a significant twist emerged – my decision to leave Dubai and return home to safeguard my sanity and embrace a fresh start. Prepared to leave behind the memories shared with Kailua, he defied expectations by maintaining daily communication and providing voice notes encapsulating the highs and lows of his life.
In the face of impending goodbyes, a difficulty I often grappled with, Kailua's unwavering support served as a testament to the enduring nature of our connection. Despite physical distance, our conversations continued seamlessly, reaffirming the enduring nature of our inseparable platonic companionship.
By sharing the intricate layers of our lives, Kailua and I not only defied geographical boundaries but also transcended societal norms, illustrating that genuine connections can flourish beyond conventional expectations.
However, this newfound perspective underwent a profound transformation at a yacht party, where I first laid eyes on Kailua. Our conversation unfolded organically, or perhaps I orchestrated it, and he was merely a delighted member of the laughing audience.
Kailua, a promising 27-year-old Lebanese professional in digital marketing, stood out not only for his career but for the incredible narrative that shaped his life. Born to deaf parents, Kailua and his siblings, despite having the ability to hear, were raised in an environment that nurtured humor, love, and kindness. I often commended him for being the living testament to his parents' greatest achievement.
At the age of 28, I was grappling with depression, a battle that I had been silently enduring. Seeking help was a recent endeavour, spurred by the realisation that depression is often misunderstood or even unrecognised in my home country,
Our friendship, spanning across Southeast Asia and the Middle East, was unconventional. In a world where
connections between a Southeast Asian and a Middle Eastern individual were typically confined to dating apps, our bond blossomed naturally. There was something about Kailua that ignited my curiosity, prompting me to delve deeper into understanding the person behind the friendly demeanor.
Our initial interaction was limited to the last 10 minutes of the yacht party, with the looming end of the celebration. Interestingly, it was the second meeting that left a lasting impression. Introduced by a mutual friend at a lively house party, I, grappling with personal demons, observed from the sidelines as Bollywood beats filled the air, concealing my inner struggles behind a façade of cheerfulness.
A month post-party, back in the embrace of my self-development routine, an unexpected Instagram notification revealed the fascinating tidbit that Kailua shared: my username was a famous children's song in Lebanon. This unexpected connection led to Kailua sliding into my DMs.
His captivating eyes and infectious smile fuelled our conversations, gradually transforming them into daily rituals. To foster our connection, I organized a dinner, extending invitations to friends and potential additions to our social circle. Kailua's acceptance marked our first meeting since the yacht party, albeit with a twist. A pre-event message hinted at his potential tardiness due to a somber event – a friend's relative's funeral.
Despite my initial skepticism, the night unfolded with Kailua's late arrival, introducing an unexpected yet welcomed dynamic to the gathering. His gratitude for finding a potential mate from the dinner table, though bittersweet, accentuated the transient nature of connections.
Weeks later, an invitation to a talent showcase became an opportunity for Kailua to witness my performance. Post-show, an impromptu visit to a music fest culminated in a vibrant night of dancing at a Lady Gaga tribute event. Our connection deepened, and despite emulating the appearance of a conventional couple, we remained steadfast in our commitment to platonic camaraderie.
Describing our relationship as platonic became a recurring theme during my therapy sessions. Over the course of four months, trust solidified, allowing me to confide in Kailua about my ongoing battle with depression and the accompanying medication.
To my relief, his response was one of understanding and support. Kailua revealed his own therapy journey, a coping mechanism for navigating the challenges of living alone in Dubai. Instead of viewing therapy as a weakness, he deemed it an emblem of strength, solidifying my belief in our symbiotic connection.
From then on, our weekends and occasionally weekdays were marked by outings to alleviate the stress of work, hospital visits for necessary checks, and aimless drives
around the city. The sense of security and solace I found in Kailua's company was unparalleled, prompting him to offer a key to his house – a gesture I declined, respecting his need for solitude.
Our shared activities included home-cooked meals, movie nights, and occasional breakfasts, symbolising gratitude for Kailua's hospitality. In moments of vulnerability, his place became a sanctuary during panic attacks, emphasizing the emotional bond that transcended physical proximity.
As our story unfolded, a significant twist emerged – my decision to leave Dubai and return home to safeguard my sanity and embrace a fresh start. Prepared to leave behind the memories shared with Kailua, he defied expectations by maintaining daily communication and providing voice notes encapsulating the highs and lows of his life.
In the face of impending goodbyes, a difficulty I often grappled with, Kailua's unwavering support served as a testament to the enduring nature of our connection. Despite physical distance, our conversations continued seamlessly, reaffirming the enduring nature of our inseparable platonic companionship.
By sharing the intricate layers of our lives, Kailua and I not only defied geographical boundaries but also transcended societal norms, illustrating that genuine connections can flourish beyond conventional expectations.
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment