Kailua

30.03.2024

In September 2022, I met Kailua. He quickly became a pillar of support, someone I could rely on during both my lowest moments and my greatest joys. He was my confidante, the person I trusted with everything, including my visits to the psychiatrist and psychologist.

Kailua's kindness truly stood out. Perhaps it was because he was the only Lebanese person I'd met, but his genuine warmth left a lasting impression.

One October night, after a performance high, I confessed my feelings for him at a Lady Gaga tribute party. It was a spontaneous decision, a way to clear the air and move forward. While his feelings weren't reciprocated, it was a weight lifted from my shoulders. Our friendship, thankfully, remained intact.

Our connection, however, wasn't without its challenges. Kailua readily admits he struggles with multitasking. He needs to focus intently, which sometimes leads to him zoning out and taking a while to respond.

While I try to be understanding, the constant effort to be the "bigger person" can be draining. Despite this, his concern for me is evident. In person or over text, his responses are thoughtful and genuine.

Recently, however, I've felt a shift. His engagement seems minimal, and his replies often feel robotic, like automated email responses. It's a stark contrast to the warmth I used to experience.

Adding to this was my recent departure from Dubai. What should have been a bittersweet moment was made worse by a phone call with Kailua. Though I understood his work commitments clashed with my flight, his rushed demeanor, even with the excuse of a meeting with his boss, felt insensitive on such a significant day. While I wouldn't have expected him at the airport, a calmer, more heartfelt explanation would have meant a lot.

This experience forced a realization. I can't expect Kailua to be consistently available, especially with the time zone difference. Our friendship has undeniably changed from its initial intensity. It's a new rhythm we both need to adjust to.

Ultimately, life goes on, for both of us. Writing this is difficult because Kailua feels like family. But even families, unfortunately, can sometimes unintentionally hurt each other.

Despite the shift, I value our friendship and will continue to be there for him. We may not have the same level of intensity as before, but a strong foundation remains. We simply need to accept and navigate this new phase in our connection.

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